Run!

“Oh, holy crap.”
“That is insane.”
“Do you want me to go get the car and bring it up?”
“Nah, I wore my white t-shirt especially for this occasion. Let’s do it.”
“Ready?”
“GO!!!”

Nice to know someone’s looking out for me

“Hi, this is Susan from VISA. I’m calling about some recent charges on your account.”
“Hm?”
“Well, it appears that you’ve suddenly begun using this card quite a lot, which is not normal based on your record – “
“Minor bank problems.”
” – so I just wanted to check on some things. Yesterday we have 4 charges for [...]

Losing Lucy

“She’s gone, Mel.”
“You dropped her off already?”
“They came and got her. I cried the whole time.”
“B, you’re doing the right thing. For both of them.”
“I know, I know it’s best for her since she’ll be in a home with other dogs and I know it will be best for the cat to not have that [...]

Shirtless ping pong

“Did Pete like the ping-pong table? Was he surprised to find it in his yard?”
“Hah, it was hilarious, me and Bob rallied for about half an hour before Pete even came out.”
“Why is that hilarious?”
“Pete came out in, like, track pants and no shirt.”
“But why is that hilarious?”
“Because it was two-thirty!”
“Again. Why funny?”
“I mean, come [...]

What a loser

“I lost it.”
“You’re a loser, then. Hee hee!”
“I’m not a loser!”
“Why not?”
“Because then I’d lose you.”